Marines Just Wanna Have Fun

Not Even Extra Cash and a Jug Of Ripped Fuel Will Get Servicemembers Into Clubs in NC

Type: Frat Boy C.H.U.D.
CHUDitude: 4
Location of Outbreak: Wilmington, North Carolina, The Club Scene (h/t NavyCS)
Description of Attack: Short, high-and-tight haircuts make service members stand out like a sore thumb amidst a sea of gel-haired douchebags usually found in the club scene. While the competition to meet the ladies might be fierce in the dimly-lit backrooms of Wilmington, some club owners and bouncers won't even give them a fightin' chance as they are denied access under some weird antebellum law. WHQR in Wilmington explains:

On this night Navy Corpsmen Kenny Preudhomme and Chris Burns stand beside their car in downtown Wilmington and spray themselves with cologne. They're dressed in polo shirts and jeans, and blend in with the civilians on the sidewalk. Only their extra-short haircuts flag them as service members . . . and that haircut might be a liability. They've heard about bouncers in Wilmington turning away Marines and sailors. Preudhomme explains.

"If the bouncer's not having a good night and he sees military members, he's going to automatically think we're going to start something, just try to ruin someone's night."

A bouncer can probably fall back on a law that says if you aren't a member of that bar, you can't get in. Most military personnel are in town for one or two nights, and the law says you have to wait three days to become a member.

While it's one thing to support the troops with a yellow magnet, it's quite another matter when the civilian population has to interact with them, where stereotypes clearly run rampant.

Prognosis: Despite the fact that military service members have a lower crime rate than the average civilian population here and abroad, business owners stereotype regulation haircuts with drunken hooliganism and barroom brawls. Despite robust support for the military from North Carolina, many of the same constituents could develop a NIMBY-like attitude towards unsupervised service members frequenting their establishments. Kudos to NavyCS for locating this brand of CHUD that many service members have to deal with while blowing off steam on the weekends.

Update: Ms. Kiyum provides information on a recent meeting with the Marines and Wilmington business owners.

The Anonymous Tough Guys on Campus

Type: Frat-Boy CHUD
CHUDitude: 3
Location of Outbreak: Juicy Campus, University of Florida "Overheard on Campus" Section
Description of Attack: Juicy Campus is an anonymous, collegiate rumor mill that represents the absolute dregs of the internet. The site maintains strict anonymity and C.H.U.D. Busters is unable to provide specific links to the javascript, but it is generally along the lines of outrageous gossip about which T.A. likes to bone on campus. However, typing "ROTC" into the search string, one posted rumor stands out from the University of Florida:

id you guys see that student who spat in some soldier's face while walking to class yesterday near Turlington It was seriously the most disrespectful thing I have ever seen, especially to someone who is serving our country. I was right there when it happened, and the soldier (I think he was ROTC or something because he was carrying a skateboard) was minding his own business and a random guy walked up to him, spat in his face, and told him to go die in Iraq.
This rumor seems a tad dubious, as those in uniform are not authorized to skateboard to and fro on campus. However, one of the replies represents a low-level C.H.U.D. attack:

No real soldier, sailor, or Marine would have taken that shit. If it was a Marine chances are he would have beaten the kid with the kids own books. The cadet (soldier) is a pussy for not doing anything about it. Kinda disgraceful that he didnt beat the shit out of him.

Yes, Chet, I'm sure if you were in uniform you would've already stomped that guy's ass, chopped off Osama Bin Laden's balls in Pakistan, and been back for the foam party with the Delta Phi chicks.

Prognosis: Mr. Anonymous cannot accept the fact that he is not the most "manly" on campus and must leave CHUD-like comments on the internet to confirm his alpha dog status. By humiliating those students in uniform, he engages in tribal like retribution to ensure that his frat house retains the "tough guy" status. Folks like him also tend to hypothesize Baron Munchhausen-style tales of bravery on the battlefield "If only there was a real war on" or "If they were in Iraq" instead of manning the keg at the rush party. These CHUDs on campus are a small sliver of the collegiate population and their attacks are very limited. Consider this CHUD outbreak contained.

A Desperate Cry For Attention in Seattle

Type: Frat-Boy CHUD
CHUDitude: 9
Location of Outbreak: Seattle's The Stranger, "I, Anonymous" Forum
Description of Attack: Seattle's "Only Newspaper" The Stranger, hosts an uncensored forum where urban hipsters can scribble ridiculous rants about daily life in the Emerald City. If your sense of humor is low brow enough, you'll find forum topics like "Letters to my Abortions" and "Fuck You, Short People" to be good for a chuckle or two. Unfortunately, a downfall of this crass environment is that servicemembers are left open to CHUD attacks from anonymous keyboardists. In a not-so-subtle forum topic from March, entitled "Fuck the Troops", Ecce Homo writes:

Fuck these inbred ignorant high school dropout loser schmucks. Fuck em with a big hot poker then chop their dicks off. They ain't hero's, they are pigs who deserve to get blown up and killed. I hope the war goes on for a hundred years, that way, there will be less of these pigs on the streets of our country.

Clearly Mr. Homo's comments are as silly as they are offensive, yet the forum topic goes on for a lengthy 10 pages with people trying to rationalize why the troops are not pigs who deserve to get blown up and killed.

Prognosis: Mr. Homo is clearly writing this troll-like forum topic, because he desperately seeks attention (either negative or positive) from his fellow Seattle cyber-denizens. His signature script reads "The BEST thing about Pony is that it kept the faggots out of Pioneer Square", which clearly is designed to further offend most of Seattle's progressive population. Ecce Homo is analagous to the frat-boy at the rush party, who unabashedly grabs a young woman's ass to get the attention of other woman at the party. Many women will attempt to rationalize this irrartional, brutish action with things like "Why would he do that?" or "Why didn't he grab my butt, am I fat?". Instead, this obnoxious frat-boy should have just been kicked in the balls. Ecce Homo is peacocking his CHUD like traits, and it is best to ignore him until he crawls back into the sewer.